joelle marie (galgalore) wrote,
joelle marie

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And when you kiss me on that midnight street, sweep my off my feet singin' Ain't this life so sweet

I have not updated ALL summer, so this very well could be a long one.
I had an incredible summer, I look back on it and smile and can't wait to go back next year. One of the biggest chapters of my life fell apart, it started right at the beginning of camp, but I'm not going to be sad about it anymore. Someone else made a decision, and I'm not going to feel badly about it any longer. I can look back and clearly see mistakes I made, but I didn't do anything truly wrong and I'm not going to make myself feel bad because of it anymore. I can count too many nights I went to sleep crying in my tent, too many days that I walked around with a lump in my throat. But I didn't do anything truly wrong and I am not going to bring myself down anymore because of it. He went through something this summer, I'm not sure what, but he wouldn't let me in, so it's out of my hands now. I've seen this tactic of his many times, he shuts down, but I just never thought he'd feel like he had to do it with me. I wanted to be there for him, but he already had it affirmed in his mind how he thought it best to be. I understand what he's been saying: we won't get to spend as much time together, he was insecure about me heading off to college and having a new life, new people. I think it could even have been good for us to deal with it, or maybe just time without each other like we are, but for whatever reason, he made his decision to end it. I'm not mad about it, I should be, but I'm not. He's meant too much to me to not take the oppurtunity to repair if it should come up. Hopefully different decisions will be made in the future, but right now I need to focus on the next big thing in my life. Everything I have ever known is about to change. I never wanted things with him to change, but they did and I'm going to proceed to the next part of my life. Hopefully this isn't the absolute end for us because that would be a shame after all we've shared together and still could, but I'm going to take this time to live my life and let him live his. Things happen most to me when I don't expect it and that's how I'm going to go on. Look how camp turned out to be-more happened than I could ever have hoped for. So who knows what might happen in my life, I'm open to anything right now and can't wait to begin college. It hurts, a lot, but it's probably one of the best things for me, no matter how much it might not seem like it right now.

My vast music supply has probably doubled in this past summer. There's more songs than I know what to do with. There are times I think I could probably spend the rest of my life just listening to music and be perfectly content. I don't understand anyone who doesn't love music.

And now to camp.
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